Mmm, Love :)

Sitting in bed tonight, while my two boys are fast and comfortable asleep, realizing how so deeply in love I am. Today, I cried to Rory, and guess what he did? Hugged me, let me cry. It was amazing! I cried because I yet again have a migraine. If it isn't a migraine, its a head ache. I cried because I can't remember the last day I went with out getting at least a head ache. Discouraging, but I move on with life. I guess that is my one flaw in life. Rory and Logan definitely keep me sane, and happy. I am getting used to the head aches, slowly but surely. I am just so grateful for everything else that I do have. I love Rory, so deeply, so truly. He is my rock. He is everything, to me. He loves me so much. We are just so perfect together. Perfect partners, perfect team. We have so much in common, and so much not in common. Seriously. I know a lot of people these days are not happy, but I can say I am happy. I am so in love with my husband, my best friend, and my sons father. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life. I will never let what we have go, it is far to special. I am so in love. My heart is his, forever. Look where we are because of it. We have Logan. We have eternity together, with Logan. I am so happy.

Logan

This is Logan copying our face. So cute!
Logan and dad!
Logans new teddy bear!
Just one of me since I never post any of me.
Dang, I am so amazed about how fast this little man learns! His new thing is opening all the drawers and cupboards. He loves doing it! He has not been feeling good lately. He has a small case of RSV. Poor buddy, and his molars are coming in so he is just not feeling great. He still has that big bright smile that can light up the darkest room though. Tomorrow should be a good day. Logan and I are going to an old friends baby shower. I haven't seen her and her sister Jessica in a long time, and I am stoked to finally be able to, as well as a few old friends from middle school as well. Unfortunately I won't get to stay the whole time, but it will be good to see everyone again. Last week I had the stomach flu, oh boy! It was bad, I ended up going to the hospital really dehydrated, but I feel so much better today. For Valentines, we took Logan to build a bear and got him a stuffed puppy with a cool Iron man shirt. We got our parents some candy from See's. Rory got me an awesome 32gb SD card, which is exactly what I needed! I got Rory some yummy cologne from Hollister. Rory and I have a huge opportunity opening for us, including my mom. We are really excited for what it is bringing to us. Rory, Logan and I might be moving to Vernal for a year or so, but it will be such a new and exciting time for us. I am so glad to be able to be a stay at home mom with Logan. I can not imagine having to leave him, and I commend other mothers that do. It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave your baby, even it is for a few hours, it has to suck leaving the, but it is awesome that they do. Logan also has thrush. Poor bud is having a tough week. On tuesday is Reecy boys birthday. Rory is taking him paintballing. Tonight, while organizing our closet, a huge spider crawled onto my leg. Oh my gosh, I jumped and screamed over and over, while Rory and Logan stared at me like I was nuts. Did I mention that we bought a Mac book? It is pretty nice and we love it. We paid a years worth of car insurance and put some more into our savings for a down payment on a house. But, I gotta go to bed. Night!

Great week!

My perfect baby boy, He is going to be 8 months next month! Woohoo! Big boy! SO cute and SO smart!

A couple from the maternity session I did this weekend.

Love this one!

and a few from the newborn session I did this week as well! She was like a porclean doll!

It has been a wonderful and busy week! I have had three shoots this week which all turned out beautifully! Logan is learning so much and being the best baby ever. Austin is coming down on Wed. and Leeanns birthday is tomorrow. Rory and I's tax return is coming next week, we have paid a years worth of insurance, we have been a couple months ahead on our car payment which we refinanced a few weeks ago and got our car payment cut in half, we pay two payments ahead now. With our tax return we are going to buy a Mac laptop. I got my new lens that I absolutely adore! It has just been an all around great month. I know this is my year to shine. I am so glad I have my family. I am so glad to be where I am today. I have already got two shoots lined up in February and in May. I have a session on saturday and a maternity session right after. It just feels good to know that all my work is paying off. I took so much time to learn what I needed and it is finally being able to show. Logan is getting his 8th tooth and trying SO hard to walk. He can now clap, scrunch his face when we tell him too, high five, crawl, pull him self to stand, stand with out noticing for a few seconds, sing, dada, mama when he cries :) he can feed him self and is using a sippy cup GREAT he loves pop tarts and crackers, still hates the car seat :) he can crawl and get into the sitting position, he can get to the sitting position than crawl, he is just so perfect and so smart. Rory is planning to get to school this semester to be a pharmacy tech til he can get into for programming. Life is just perfect and I could not be happier!

Wooooo,, Life is perfect!

Our little man is a genius, I may be biased though :) He is attempting to walk now. After pulling himself up on the couch, he will let go and not realize it but he will stand by him self! He also turns away from the couch or what ever he is standing against and takes a step. He falls every time but it is the sweetest thing ever. He is trying SO hard and I know he will be an early walker like his mama! I now wear a size 24 jeans (00-01 in junior sizes) I am getting closer and closer to my goal weight. Life is going great for Rory, Logan and I. I could not be happier with where we are at in life. Logan keeps growing more and more each day. It amazes me really. I am proud of who I am today. Of who I have to share my life with. It is amazing how much our lives opened up, for eachother and Logan. I am buying a new lens this week. The Canon 50mm f1.4. I have a newborn session in the next week or two, depending on when she arrives, and a maternity/family shoot this month as well. I am pumped! This will be my year. I will succeed in my photography business. I am extatic. Logans birthday is just 20 weeks away! Okay four months, but still we are super excited about it. We are deciding in between a zoo visit with just the family than a birthday party the next day with our extended family, or just doing a big party. I am thinking the first of the two though. Well, gotta get Logan in bed.

Logan is almost 7 months!

Holy moly! What happened? 7 months has flewwwwww............ by! I can not believe little Logan is 7 months old tomorrow. He is seriously a genious baby! Crawling at 5 1/2 months, sitting since four months. He can pull him self up to stand now, he is also learning to stand on his own. I was a very early walker, and I know he will be too because, believe it or not, he already tries SO hard to walk. It is his favorite thing! He loves when we hold his hand to walk, and it has been that way since 4 months. He claps now, which is so cute. He is a chatter box! He says DADA allll daayyy long, now he is starting mama, and getting way close, tlaking since 6 months. He just amazes us! He had a great Christmas. He got lots of toys and clothes. We got Logan his own room, we are in the process of decorating it. We will try to get him to sleep in there when he turns one and see how it goes. We love having him sleep with us though, he is our little Teddy Bear. Cuddliest baby ever! I love it! He is getting his 6th tooth. Yippee! His room is looking way cute! I will post pictures once we are complete! With our tax return we are going to pay a years worth of car payments and maybe a years worth of car insurance. That way we only have to pay rent every month and phone. We are also buying me a new lense, which I am extatic about. I am so excited for the new year and everything that is comong with it. I am so glad to have my husband, Logan and all of my family with me to bring in the new year, and to have them the rest of my life. I know how often I say how much I love Rory, Logan and my family, but I really do. They do more for me and my family than any one can even comprehend. Rory has been my rock, best friend, soul mate and best dad ever. He means the world and more to me. I love him so dearly and I am so in love with him. Logan is literally the perfect baby. We are so blessed to have him in our lifes. He filled a spot on our hearts we didnt even know was empty. My family is so supportive. They would be here for us in the drop of a dime. I just can't imagine how empty my life would be with out them. Our good friend Brandon and Vanessa found out they were pregnant again! We are so excited and will keep them in our prayers. Their first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and they have had troubles with others as well. This one is going to be much more monitored and I know this one will make it through. New years will be fun! We are having friends over for Kinect and New years show. I am excited. I love having my family and friends together. Logan loves it too becuase he is our little social worm! I love it! He goes every where with us and we wouldnt have it any other way!

Poor Logan

So we went in for Logans six month check up last week, and as I have stated a few times, he always has ear infections. Now for a baby who is exclusively breast fed, that is not right. We asked her to check his ears out once more, and come to find out, he has fluid behind his ear drums. They are not infected, but the fluid has to go away on its own which could take up to a year. My poor baby boy. Even though he is in pain, he always seems to smile and laugh no matter what. He is so good at crawling and he is now pulling him self up onto things to stand up. What a tough guy! He is going to have a great Christmas! Anyways, I spent my night in the ER last night. Bad migraine. Ugh. We went and bought my birthday present today. I got some wayyyyy cute Miss Me jeans at a steal of a price! They are usually 108$, but I found out I fit in kids sizes and they are only $75. So I got a size kids 14. Than Rory got me two way cute VS t shirts. We are all going to Tepenyaki with a few friends next week. I am pretty stoked. Rory pampered me. I love him so much, he has been the best husband ever. While in the hospital, he just made me feel like I was 100%. I love him so much and I could not imagine life with out him or Logan. Our hearts were already so bright and happy, and Logan came in and feeled it with even more sunshine. I am now down to 109lbs., and feeling wonderful! Well, gotta put bubs to bed. Good night!

Logan, Six months tomorrow

I am sad, yet so happy. Logan is six months old. Wow! Where did half a year go so fast? It flewwwwww....... He gives high fives, bonks, laughs! Smiles, rolls every where! Scoots around every where and in circles, Push up move :) Crawls! Yes, he is so smart. SOOO smart. He is learning where our noses are, how to give loves, and clap. I love him. So much. Rory loves him so much too! We are so happy with our perfect baby boy. Life is so crazy. It is so crazy how things make YOU. Logan, he made us even happier. Our hearts were so filled with sunshine and love before he came in, and I didn't think it could get better, now our hearts our filled with never ending rays of sun shines, heaps of love and hugs and kisses, and loads of happiness. I know I talk about how blessed I am to have Rory and Logan and my family, but I really am. I am proud, and happy. I have been through things that I wish I didn't, I went through a lot of pain and hurt, but where I am at now, and who I am now, just made those times so much more worth it. Rory and I's friend just went through their second miscarriage since Logan has been born. They have been great friends and they deserve the happiness a baby can bring and it breaks my heart that that blessing hasn't been given to them yet. I know things happen at the best time possible, but it isn't fair that they are going through this one to many times. I truly wish them the best, I know everything will work out perfectly in the end. I sit here tonight and I think about a lot of things. I am so happy, so blessed and I could not ask for more, but there is a part of my heart that hurts still. The part that is aching for my dad. I feel like I need to kind of express my self about that a little. It has been a LONG time since I actually acknowledged my feelings about it. I keep them in becuase really, it gets me no where talking about it and bringing up all the pain again. I guess though, it is better to let it out time to time. Here goes nothing.

It has been almost 9 years since the hardest part of my life began. I had such a great life. I was young and so happy. Til it hit me, my dad was no longer the same dad I was used to. My dad was a drug addict. I never wanted to say that, or think that, until the day my dads house burned to the ground. It truly hit me. My dad is losing everything he has. I was young. No 11 year old should have to force them selves to see that they are losing their dad, slowly each day. But I had too. How unfair for me. The thought of losing my dad consumed my head daily. 90% of my day was spent worrying about my dad. It should be the other way around. Why was I the one stressing about this? I put my self into a deep black hole. The light at the end of the tunnel was gone, completely. I couldn't see my way out. I was in more pain than ever. I was also just hitting the teen years, and those could not have been easier on me. I had no true friends to turn too, I was always being teased in school. There was no way out of the pain for me. Of coarse I had my mom and my other family members, but I was to stubborn to see the love they had for me. I was extremely depressed. I was 12 years old and thinking of ways to just leave the world behind. I would have rather been gone and dead than deal with the pain. It was gut wrenching. I began cutting my self. I would cut deeper and deeper each attempt. Why was a 12 year old girl doing this to her self? Mostly just to hurt my self, but I know now that a small part of that was a call for help. A call to my dad, "Look at the pain you are causing me dad, I am bleeding for you, is this enough for you to quit?" That didn't work. Instead he blamed every one else for my depression, mainly my mom. I found that funny because my mom was the only one I had to turn to, because of him. I had no care for my self, and that was when I realized he didn't either. He only cared about his next high. I know he never stopped loving me, but I know I was no longer on his priority list. I was not sleeping at night, and when I did sleep my head was filled with nightmares of my dad dying. After going through this for the next few years, even with the attempts of my mom doing what she could to try and help me, I just cared less about my self. When I hit the age of 14, I met Rory. Rory made me feel good about my self. With the help of my mom, and Rory, I am not who I am today. I am so thankful. My dad is not a bad dad, he is just sick. He has a terrible disease, addiction. I realize now that I have to take care of my self, and my own family. I love my dad so much, I care about him so much, but worrying won't get me anywhere. I know I probably won't see the day of my dad being sober again, but that is okay. I hate that Logan will never get to know that dad I knew, but atleast Logan can get to know him now. I see that having my family and having Rory was a stepping stone for me. I know some day I will meet my dad again, hopefully a reallllyyyy long time for both of us, in a much better place where he won't need drugs to feel better.
This part of my life was very dark and I hate going back there, but I realize it is worst to keep the sad feelings in, instead of letting them out. I do not hate my dad, I have anger towards him doing what he did, but I love my dad so much and nothing would ever change that. I know there are reasons for what he did, and I can not judge him for that. I am happy I still have him here for me to see. I am happy he is alive, and living.

Ohhh gee. I actually feel happy I got this out. I am just so thankful for what I have become. Even though I have been through a tough time, I know there are worst things that could happen. I know that my mom did so much for me, and still does. I am so thankful for her. I am so thankful for Rory, and all he does for me. He makes me so happy. I am so thankful for Logan and for him being more perfect than I thought was possible. I am thankful for my dad, and I love him so much.

Off to bed now.