Wooooo,, Life is perfect!

Our little man is a genius, I may be biased though :) He is attempting to walk now. After pulling himself up on the couch, he will let go and not realize it but he will stand by him self! He also turns away from the couch or what ever he is standing against and takes a step. He falls every time but it is the sweetest thing ever. He is trying SO hard and I know he will be an early walker like his mama! I now wear a size 24 jeans (00-01 in junior sizes) I am getting closer and closer to my goal weight. Life is going great for Rory, Logan and I. I could not be happier with where we are at in life. Logan keeps growing more and more each day. It amazes me really. I am proud of who I am today. Of who I have to share my life with. It is amazing how much our lives opened up, for eachother and Logan. I am buying a new lens this week. The Canon 50mm f1.4. I have a newborn session in the next week or two, depending on when she arrives, and a maternity/family shoot this month as well. I am pumped! This will be my year. I will succeed in my photography business. I am extatic. Logans birthday is just 20 weeks away! Okay four months, but still we are super excited about it. We are deciding in between a zoo visit with just the family than a birthday party the next day with our extended family, or just doing a big party. I am thinking the first of the two though. Well, gotta get Logan in bed.

Logan is almost 7 months!

Holy moly! What happened? 7 months has flewwwwww............ by! I can not believe little Logan is 7 months old tomorrow. He is seriously a genious baby! Crawling at 5 1/2 months, sitting since four months. He can pull him self up to stand now, he is also learning to stand on his own. I was a very early walker, and I know he will be too because, believe it or not, he already tries SO hard to walk. It is his favorite thing! He loves when we hold his hand to walk, and it has been that way since 4 months. He claps now, which is so cute. He is a chatter box! He says DADA allll daayyy long, now he is starting mama, and getting way close, tlaking since 6 months. He just amazes us! He had a great Christmas. He got lots of toys and clothes. We got Logan his own room, we are in the process of decorating it. We will try to get him to sleep in there when he turns one and see how it goes. We love having him sleep with us though, he is our little Teddy Bear. Cuddliest baby ever! I love it! He is getting his 6th tooth. Yippee! His room is looking way cute! I will post pictures once we are complete! With our tax return we are going to pay a years worth of car payments and maybe a years worth of car insurance. That way we only have to pay rent every month and phone. We are also buying me a new lense, which I am extatic about. I am so excited for the new year and everything that is comong with it. I am so glad to have my husband, Logan and all of my family with me to bring in the new year, and to have them the rest of my life. I know how often I say how much I love Rory, Logan and my family, but I really do. They do more for me and my family than any one can even comprehend. Rory has been my rock, best friend, soul mate and best dad ever. He means the world and more to me. I love him so dearly and I am so in love with him. Logan is literally the perfect baby. We are so blessed to have him in our lifes. He filled a spot on our hearts we didnt even know was empty. My family is so supportive. They would be here for us in the drop of a dime. I just can't imagine how empty my life would be with out them. Our good friend Brandon and Vanessa found out they were pregnant again! We are so excited and will keep them in our prayers. Their first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and they have had troubles with others as well. This one is going to be much more monitored and I know this one will make it through. New years will be fun! We are having friends over for Kinect and New years show. I am excited. I love having my family and friends together. Logan loves it too becuase he is our little social worm! I love it! He goes every where with us and we wouldnt have it any other way!

Poor Logan

So we went in for Logans six month check up last week, and as I have stated a few times, he always has ear infections. Now for a baby who is exclusively breast fed, that is not right. We asked her to check his ears out once more, and come to find out, he has fluid behind his ear drums. They are not infected, but the fluid has to go away on its own which could take up to a year. My poor baby boy. Even though he is in pain, he always seems to smile and laugh no matter what. He is so good at crawling and he is now pulling him self up onto things to stand up. What a tough guy! He is going to have a great Christmas! Anyways, I spent my night in the ER last night. Bad migraine. Ugh. We went and bought my birthday present today. I got some wayyyyy cute Miss Me jeans at a steal of a price! They are usually 108$, but I found out I fit in kids sizes and they are only $75. So I got a size kids 14. Than Rory got me two way cute VS t shirts. We are all going to Tepenyaki with a few friends next week. I am pretty stoked. Rory pampered me. I love him so much, he has been the best husband ever. While in the hospital, he just made me feel like I was 100%. I love him so much and I could not imagine life with out him or Logan. Our hearts were already so bright and happy, and Logan came in and feeled it with even more sunshine. I am now down to 109lbs., and feeling wonderful! Well, gotta put bubs to bed. Good night!

Logan, Six months tomorrow

I am sad, yet so happy. Logan is six months old. Wow! Where did half a year go so fast? It flewwwwww....... He gives high fives, bonks, laughs! Smiles, rolls every where! Scoots around every where and in circles, Push up move :) Crawls! Yes, he is so smart. SOOO smart. He is learning where our noses are, how to give loves, and clap. I love him. So much. Rory loves him so much too! We are so happy with our perfect baby boy. Life is so crazy. It is so crazy how things make YOU. Logan, he made us even happier. Our hearts were so filled with sunshine and love before he came in, and I didn't think it could get better, now our hearts our filled with never ending rays of sun shines, heaps of love and hugs and kisses, and loads of happiness. I know I talk about how blessed I am to have Rory and Logan and my family, but I really am. I am proud, and happy. I have been through things that I wish I didn't, I went through a lot of pain and hurt, but where I am at now, and who I am now, just made those times so much more worth it. Rory and I's friend just went through their second miscarriage since Logan has been born. They have been great friends and they deserve the happiness a baby can bring and it breaks my heart that that blessing hasn't been given to them yet. I know things happen at the best time possible, but it isn't fair that they are going through this one to many times. I truly wish them the best, I know everything will work out perfectly in the end. I sit here tonight and I think about a lot of things. I am so happy, so blessed and I could not ask for more, but there is a part of my heart that hurts still. The part that is aching for my dad. I feel like I need to kind of express my self about that a little. It has been a LONG time since I actually acknowledged my feelings about it. I keep them in becuase really, it gets me no where talking about it and bringing up all the pain again. I guess though, it is better to let it out time to time. Here goes nothing.

It has been almost 9 years since the hardest part of my life began. I had such a great life. I was young and so happy. Til it hit me, my dad was no longer the same dad I was used to. My dad was a drug addict. I never wanted to say that, or think that, until the day my dads house burned to the ground. It truly hit me. My dad is losing everything he has. I was young. No 11 year old should have to force them selves to see that they are losing their dad, slowly each day. But I had too. How unfair for me. The thought of losing my dad consumed my head daily. 90% of my day was spent worrying about my dad. It should be the other way around. Why was I the one stressing about this? I put my self into a deep black hole. The light at the end of the tunnel was gone, completely. I couldn't see my way out. I was in more pain than ever. I was also just hitting the teen years, and those could not have been easier on me. I had no true friends to turn too, I was always being teased in school. There was no way out of the pain for me. Of coarse I had my mom and my other family members, but I was to stubborn to see the love they had for me. I was extremely depressed. I was 12 years old and thinking of ways to just leave the world behind. I would have rather been gone and dead than deal with the pain. It was gut wrenching. I began cutting my self. I would cut deeper and deeper each attempt. Why was a 12 year old girl doing this to her self? Mostly just to hurt my self, but I know now that a small part of that was a call for help. A call to my dad, "Look at the pain you are causing me dad, I am bleeding for you, is this enough for you to quit?" That didn't work. Instead he blamed every one else for my depression, mainly my mom. I found that funny because my mom was the only one I had to turn to, because of him. I had no care for my self, and that was when I realized he didn't either. He only cared about his next high. I know he never stopped loving me, but I know I was no longer on his priority list. I was not sleeping at night, and when I did sleep my head was filled with nightmares of my dad dying. After going through this for the next few years, even with the attempts of my mom doing what she could to try and help me, I just cared less about my self. When I hit the age of 14, I met Rory. Rory made me feel good about my self. With the help of my mom, and Rory, I am not who I am today. I am so thankful. My dad is not a bad dad, he is just sick. He has a terrible disease, addiction. I realize now that I have to take care of my self, and my own family. I love my dad so much, I care about him so much, but worrying won't get me anywhere. I know I probably won't see the day of my dad being sober again, but that is okay. I hate that Logan will never get to know that dad I knew, but atleast Logan can get to know him now. I see that having my family and having Rory was a stepping stone for me. I know some day I will meet my dad again, hopefully a reallllyyyy long time for both of us, in a much better place where he won't need drugs to feel better.
This part of my life was very dark and I hate going back there, but I realize it is worst to keep the sad feelings in, instead of letting them out. I do not hate my dad, I have anger towards him doing what he did, but I love my dad so much and nothing would ever change that. I know there are reasons for what he did, and I can not judge him for that. I am happy I still have him here for me to see. I am happy he is alive, and living.

Ohhh gee. I actually feel happy I got this out. I am just so thankful for what I have become. Even though I have been through a tough time, I know there are worst things that could happen. I know that my mom did so much for me, and still does. I am so thankful for her. I am so thankful for Rory, and all he does for me. He makes me so happy. I am so thankful for Logan and for him being more perfect than I thought was possible. I am thankful for my dad, and I love him so much.

Off to bed now.

Loving Life :)

LOVE these two pictures, love my boys!

Logan is five and a half months now :) He gives high fives, low fives, gets our nose, sits up on his own, walks with support, plays bonk, scoots, rolls every where and guess what! He started crawling tonight! We are so proud of him. Of coarse he only went once or twice, but he actually did it! He amazes us so much! Rory gave me my birthday/Christmas present early since he got his early :) He got me the 18 megapixel Canol T2i. It is an AMAZING camera! I can't wait for my next shoot to use it. I got asked to do the Highschools Winter Formal dance pictures. I am stoked and so proud of my self. Rory and I reorganized our room, it looks great! I am so excited for Thanksgiving. I love the holidays and getting together with family! Next month Rorys cousin Brixton comes home from his mission. He left before Rory and I got married, so he has never met Logan. We are so excited to see him! Tonight we went to Olive Garden with my family. It is nice to just be with them. Tonight I was filling out Logans baby book and realized how blessed I really am. I am amazed with what I actually have. My family. They are the most understanding, caring, helpful people ever. Especially my mom. She would drop her life to help the ones she loves most. My husband. He always puts me and Logan first. He cares about me, really. He cares if I am feeling down. He loves me. A lot. I know some days I am the biggest brat to him, and he solely takes it, and gives me a hug and makes every thing better. My baby boy, Logan. He is so smart. So handsome and so perfect. He is healthy. I can't believe how much we love him. He has brightened our already perfect lives. My self. I make me happy. I am proud of where I am at. I worked hard to be who I am. I love photography. I love being a small part of some ones life and capturing memories that will forever be cherished by them. I love being the mom I am. I know I do everything I can for Logan and I know I would do whatever it takes to give him a great life like I did. I love being the wife I am. I know I have and still do make mistakes and I get raunchy and rude to Rory, but I also know that I make him happy. The fact that he is happy makes me happy. He made me who I am today. I love my life and I cherish what I have. There are times when I am down and some things are just not fitting in place, but time keeps going so I have to figure out how to keep going to. I do that with the help of all of my family. Rory, Logan, my mom and every one else. Reily has been coming home from school lately really sad and upset because she is getting teased. I dreaded this day. I my self was teased all through middle school. There was no escape, kids are mean, but the fact that one of my baby sisters is being hurt kills me. My mom has not been feeling so well lately, so I went into her school after hours a few days ago and talked about it to her teacher. She is going to help Reily. Luckily, the girl that has been physcially hurting Reily, was suspended for hurting someone else as well. Hopefully it will teach her a lesson, but if it doesn't, I don't know how long I can hold my anger in on this girl. The other kids have been teasing her, and hurting her emotionally. Kids are so cruel these days. Bullying is such a problem. I hate that Reily HAS to go to school every day and instead of learning she is being teased. I hope it gets better for her. Anyways, I forgot to add, Logan now has four teeth. He is getting so big! Well, off I go!

Busy month!

Photos I took when we saw Austin the first time.

I love this picture!

110 pounds. Always be happy with your self, but strive to get to what will make you happiest!

Hoffman clan!

Hubby and son :)

My perfect family.

Logan is now five months. He can sit up by him self, roll from back to stomach and stomach to back, he can dance, and walk with our support. He now has THREE teeth! Yes 3! He can play bonk :) He is so smart. SOOOO SMART! We love him so much. We are so proud of Logan. We are also so proud of our selves and how far we have come. We are great parents, and so in love with eachother. Life is wonderful and I could not be happier with where we are at. I weigh 110 pounds and wear a size 1/2 jean and XS shirt. Woah. I never thought I would be this small again in my life. Here I am now though! I am so happy with my body. 5 pounds til my goal weight. I am not saying I was ever fat. I am saying that I was not happy with where I was at, and I am now. Every one has their own place that makes them happy. Their own decisions that they choose to make which leads to their own consequences. Whether they be good consequences or bad. I feel like what I chose led to me to a happy place. I am happy with my body, my attitude, my self. Rory on the other hand, he would be happy if I weighed 300 pounds and was balding. He loves me for me. That is what makes me the happiest. I have an amazing husband, best friend and father for my child. What more could I ask for? Halloween was a lot of fun. I went and did a family shoot for Rorys family the morning of saturday, than that night we went and visited family with Logans cute costume on and Sunday we invited Conley and Brandie over for some 21! We had a lot of fun. We are going to Wendover on Sunday with them and my mom. Rory and I decided he could go spend some time on the floor gambeling and I would stay in the suite ( my mom gets comped free suites! :) ) with Logan than we would go hot tubbing or swimming. Austin is now back in Cali. It was so good to see my brother safe and sound. He had a lot of stories to tell and it was great to have him finally meet Logan. Now that October is over, I could sit back and relax for a day :), Mayyybbee. Well, Rory and I went and got an Iphone. We love it yes! We have two phones now which is nice. My endoscopy results came back. I do have some ulcers, but those are not to serious, and I have a problem in my esophagus with some allergens. Interesting yes! Anyways, we are off to hang out. Adios world!

Safe and sound, finally!

One of the many pictures I got of Leeanns family

Rory the amazing hubs, Logan the sweetest baby and my self

Logan eating bananas, first time with jarred foods :)

Yea, had one of my up. We got colored contacts, which I think look pretty neat!

Hahah what a cutie!

My brother Austin is finally safe and sound. He was deployed to Afghanistan earlier in the year. He is now oficially home in California, and we will be seeing him tomorrow morning! We are extatic. My brother is a true hero. He risked his life so we could have our freedom. I am so proud of him. It will be the first time Austin will meet Logan and his other new nephew Knox. I am so excited. So I went and did my sisters family pictures on saturday. We drove up a very pretty canyon. I had lots of fun and the pictures turned out great. I am doing a childs birthday party shoot on saturday, as well as another child shoot saturday morning, than my sisters cousin in laws pictures. I can't wait. Logan is just about 5 months old, wow time freaken flies! He sits up on his own now, what a big boy! He is so advanced for his age. He plays peek a boo. Cutest thing ever. Him and Dad are the cutest boys ever. I am so proud of my little and big family. Anyways, I am now in a size 2 jeans. W00t W00t! I am cutting and dying my hair tomorrow. I am so excited for halloween. Rory and I are going to be vampires and Logan is a little tiger :) We will have the best costumes and I WILL post pictures. I better get to bed, we have to be at the airport pretty early. Good bye!